Loosing someone you love.

I lost my dad suddenly (sort of) on June 23, 2008 and I miss him. He had a stroke last 5/29/07 and seemed to be recovering well after being give that TPA drug within the 3 hour window. All kinds of tests came back and they were all negative- no one could figure out what had happened! His heart was healthy, no plaque in his arteries etc. He had regained most of his skills (still a little weak) that he was able to go home from the hospital and not to rehab! Then they discovered fluid in his plural space (in the cavity outside his lungs). They put a drain in and it took 8 months of daily draining before the fluid stopped. During that whole process he seemed to be getting a bit weaker slowly. Sleeping a lot, then he seemed like he was loosing some memory and his brain was possibly mis firing at times??? He would say things in a different voice ??? Then on 6/23 he had eatten dinner and was still sitting at the kitchen table and seemingly fell asleep. My sister went to try and wake him to transfer him back into his wheelchair she discovered he had no pulse! My niece called 911 and they never got him back.

The last time I saw him was in January because I live in Chicago and he lived in upstate NY. I wish I would have hugged him a little tighter and told him I loved him more. I talked to him weekly on the phone but it wasn't enough. I miss him, I need him and I don't know how to move on without him in my life.

In my head I know he is with Jesus because he was a believer and that I will see him again but it hurst so much and I miss him and want him here with me. My little girl will not remember him as will 1/2 of his grandchildren.

Dad and I were never close, mom and I are much closer but I loved him. Dad was much more into his sons and grandsons, girls were not his favorite. I understood this, but I wasn't happy about it.

I just wish I had more time with him. To ask him questions, to do a couple of things for him that I had wanted to do but was putting off until I was able to cut back in my hours at work. Like take his old family pictures and scan them, fix them and preserve them. Do a family tree and take him some places he wanted to go. I never got a chance, I was too busy with life.